Our generation, or my generation if I can call it that, will be forever branded with the idea of living in the now. The past is the past and the future be darned. Let tonight be tonight because in the morning comes the rest of our lives. It's hard for me to feel anything but a little resentment for this. Mostly, and I should say especially, because it was this type of thinking that I used to dig myself in the deepest holes this year. Holes that I think will take a whole lot of forgiveness to refill. Thankfully, twenty years worth of God's grace adds up to a whole mountain range of forgiveness.
Looking back on 2013, I have realized that I have always been slightly embarrassed by my past. Not because it is actually embarrassing, at least, not beyond the scope of how embarrassing the past is to everyone. It's because I am a constantly changing person, from top to bottom. The person I was last year, last month, last week, yesterday, an hour ago, a minute ago, and a second ago are all completely different than the person I am now. It is more than likely that I will be completely embarrassed by everything that the version of me that began this blog has to say by the time it is posted. But the fact is that all of these versions of me at different times of my life of which I am ashamed are still me. I am constantly and unabashedly embarrassed by myself. At the same time, without the long trail of embarrassment behind me, I would be the person that I am right now, typing these words for you all to read. Life, in all of its intricacies and embarrassments, doesn't make sense en media res.
As far as the future is concerned, I am afraid I will remain a staunch member of the "now" generation. Nothing scares me more than the unknown and that, unfortunately, just happens to be the basic building blocks that make up the entity known as the future. If 2013 is any example of what 2014 holds for me, I am in for some of the best times and worst times of my life, and what scares me the most is that I don't know which will come first.
That all being said, I am eternally grateful for every single thing that has happened to me this year. Best friends became old friends and old friends became best friends. With every passing day, I have taken God-guided steps towards the person that I was predestined to be. With every word I write, I am becoming less and less embarrassed with the person I am, not because I am a becoming better man but because I am realizing that God is not embarrassed by me.
2014 is right around the corner guys. I want to thank every single person that has made me laugh, given me pause, pushed me out of my comfort zone, listened to me rant, or inspired me to write this year. I realize that many of you out there that fall in these categorizes will never know the impact you have had on my life and will probably never even read this blog. But, all that notwithstanding, I owe a lot to all of you and hope I get the opportunity in 2014 to pay it back in spades.
Happy New Years Everyone!
